My Strategy For Finding a Parking Place.

My daughter, whose name is Tremmy Herkins, has adopted a new way of walking in and out of tough situations while I look for a parking place in my characteristic borderline racist fashion. 


While even the widow who seems related to a sudden onslaught of overdetermined filth is gravely ill in what passes for our survival bunker, my blankety-blank-blank accountant, Jisper Montaigne laughs in a way that most of us in this scene find frankly infuriating.


 I'll have you know I paid good money for afternoon piano instruction even after our patio was destroyed in the war. The list I maintain in the Office of Singular Pertinence has been lost to the vagaries of time well spent on behalf of our secret desire to express a mewling contempt for the Paragons of Puffery while obeying a vile drive toward ultimate deforestation of your ass. 

The previous sentence was just a figure of speech. If you find yourself becoming upset you will leave me no choice but to kidnap your Aunt who suffers from chronic disassociation. The previous sentence was NOT a figure of speech but was a prevarication for which this writer is deeply ashamed. My total recompense is the only option if I wish to maintain my position in the Current Order.

God

O God! Why hast thou forsaken me? May I be granted a final dispensation in these moments before I take my last fetid breath? Is this fate all that I garner after a lifetime of service to the overbearing wingless pupid who shits on my tie during services at First Lutheran during this, our first, Summer of Kindness? What will it take to dissolve Parliament without risking a feral defrag of my eighth drive this year? If you, or anyone you know, or anyone you might have heard about (even third hand) has an answer to any of these questions, please forward them to me at Joliet Federal Correctional Institution, inmate #95-367-D. You won't regret it, unless, of course, you're the kind of person would do such a thing. Regret it, that is. 

_________________________________