A New Chapter in Life!

 

Just to bring some of you up to speed, there's a young woman I've been spending an inordinate amount of time with for the past year or so. When she first came into my life in the late fall of 1962, I really thought I had a 'live one' on my hands. As the years went by, I approached a retired professor emeritus from Emory University in the Speleology Department, and wondered aloud while he worked in his vegetable garden if there was any chance that he would be willing to help my young friend secure a position in the then-burgeoning Human Potential Movement. He looked up, coughed and pretended that he hadn't known me since I was barely old enough to walk to the store unsupervised. I took this as either a grave insult or a distressing sign of incipient senility.

I was left with only one plenific alternative, and that was to order a series of round-the-clock tests administered by a team I had flown in from the Coast for situations just like this. When they arrived later that evening, it was plain that they were 'dressed for bear'. I took it upon myself to have a heart-to-heart with each one alone in my private chamber. There was a roaring fire, drinks were served and then we watched the game. By the sixth inning the game was tied and our team was in the toilet. I'll mince no words here: I was disappointed. Not only that, I realized that I had quite possibly made the biggest boner of my life so far. There comes a time when a person of great ambition has to admit to himself that just maybe there are more important things in life. And that as some interests, activities, hobbies and obsessions are left by the wayside in a cold and unforgiving rain, some other people with questionable intentions could be waiting just outside (and to the left) of the back door. It is these very people who I came to know very well during my service as a foreign correspondent for the Daily Mail in our Nation's Capital.

One day, while I puttered around in the staff coffee room, I noticed a soft 'buzzing' sound emanating from the area of my head just behind my right eye. My closest confidant at the time, Gerald Molpin, was quite adamant that he heard it as well. What could this mean? Would I have to give up my interest in a Chilean copper-mining operation? Could I still afford to send my kids to the Pezmont Academy? Would my wife leave me for another woman? Is there a way to contact creatures from outer space that isn't scary? Is there anyone in the greater St Louis area who would be able to visit my former Bible instructor and help him get back on his feet? All these and so many other questions ricocheted around my cabasa that I just can't tell you. What DOES matter, though, is that for maybe the first time in my life I've resolved to never again be the fall guy for some kind of zany stunt. No one should blame me if I sound like I'm heaving a great big sigh of relief. Why? Because I'm not. That's why. 

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