Patient News from the Lower Mid-Section.

 

Since the patient we've been caring for, despite our having been warned, has been observed switching items between members' wraps that are stored during the day in the cubbies next to her room, it was only fair to take matters into our own hands and put a stop to other things as well. Her hair is coming in very nicely now but try as we may it might never stand us in good stead to embark on a new project without the cooperation of her caretaker. This gentleman, even when seated, appears to try to treat one and all like just so many dime-a-dozen replacement parts in the human zoo that passes for our particular part of the coveted youth demographic.

When she uttered her first words in the hallway which borders the corridor everyone heaved a sigh of release. The rumor of her refusal to begin shouting was just that, a rumor. What wasn't a rumor was the way she tenderly played with a rare type of raisin which was spotted just out of sight in the boiler room where people routinely made calls to outlying areas under cover of darkness. Their faces would scream even as their mouths remained firmly shut.

In light of that it has to be said that even one suspicious noise would never be enough to rouse the crew down at Security. The 'blond behemoth' who called the shots down there thought he had a way with the ladies. But they just laughed in his immobile face, especially when he wore his Pleistocene T-shirt. It just gave them the creeps. Now they want to form some type of committee or club or something. It seems like all the young people are doing stuff like that these days.

When tendrils of acrid white smoke were observed emanating from under her special custom-made mattress our long-suffering Pekinese mascot turned several shades of magenta and bolted into the Dave room and needed to be intubated with a raspberry blond stewardess's lipstick canister. It's all we had left, given all the wartime tragisties. He made a full recovery in a matter of seconds.

Now the patient held all the cards. She ruled the roost. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. My partner Jenny Randall kept her hand poised over the main power switch. Her little brother, Joe Sr., started twitching like the prick that he is. My landlord's lost wallet was found in the men's room of the Civil War Museum in Cleveland, Utah. All in all I think anyone would have to agree that it was a productive afternoon.

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