People Are Starting to Get the Wrong Idea.

 

During several of the weeks just past, more than one person has tracked me down at one or another of my three jobs and made it known that people in town were starting to get the impression that I was being 'flippant'—the exact word they used, as I say, more than once. I was asked to make a call and offer an overdue comment. If it wasn't for the way a lot of folks botch things of their own accord, no one would know when to start the process in earnest. I'm the one who set the rules in our original family situation. As anyone who looks for more than a few seconds can see, when we were all on the ground together, I'd sometimes bring her hand within range of a special instrument. If she threatened to go public, then I'd politely extend myself into her living area to make a routine evaluation. Once the stew was in the pot, I could go home with a clear conscience. All the later follies at the place could no more amount to an area of concern than if my youngest son would be arrested for groping flight attendants on a commuter flight in upstate New York. In short: it just didn't happen!

 What elementary guideline could we traverse without attracting the attentions of a wily clod named Philip Margulies? It's not simply a matter of 'do the math'. It's more like, (a) bring some people through the system, and then (b) hold close personal acquaintances at a nearby Center while offering relief in the form of chilled non-alcoholic beverages accompanied by savory chewables.  There's always a gradation when levels are breached. If someone claims difficulty breathing, they should be closely monitored at baseline. The thrill which is rarely denied by former standard-bearers is only now being actively investigated by approximate sororities. Each debutant is to be featured on her own memorial plankard which will be further embossed at terrible expense to the brick and mortar industry writ large. There always comes a time when legacy properties go begging and no one will think twice about ranging far afield in the effort to scare up a little action. Only a few will feel that height alone should be a barrier to asking your typical person to leaf through a booklet while a disgraced colleague snaps a shot. From the steambed of a F-150 pickup no less!

There is, in fact, a luxury table which sits smack dab in the middle of a little known wildlife refuge. Should you or my companion refuse to comply with the reigning consent decree, it is within my power to bring unlikely gameplay to bear. Unprintable epitaphs will go far to honor the men and women of our enforcement brigade. There is a utility badge waiting for the first inductee to avoid injury during an exchange of infested comestibles. You can hear it in their own words as they stumble through our gangway, arms akimbo, no skin in the frame. I've sworn off any and all upgrades in the hope that I can someday see my family all in one piece again. By June 1st, if necessary. Not for nothing is everyone hurling abuse at my displaced adjutant, even though his involvement was nil at best. Some of our most productive assignment editors have gone without pay for up to thirteen weeks straight. Have you ever had one try involve your spouse in a questionable drilling operation? It doesn't take much to accurately guess that the correct answer is a resounding 'NO!' Point taken.

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