It will be seen to grasp itself even as it stands. It used to be taller, by about a foot. But on a particular occasion, I'd say about seven or eight months ago, as I was eating dinner, a former girlfriend, named Jermelle Dunphy, appeared as a witness-in-distress in argyle socks, to answer an as yet unformulated question, thereby forever altering most folks' estimation of its age, gender identity, ethnic profile, positive verb designation and fully sank, still clutching a paid-for paper pantry jag, and our willingness to lift seemed to fall forward in the cups of the wee ones.
Now, it would be convenient if I said this was all a surprise, shocking even. But sadly, no. In the ensuing months as I looked the baleful cretin square in the eyes and stated my evolving dietary preferences, it became apparent that there would be neither respite nor rest, for now I was required by my religious convictions to commit one violent felony after another, without either surcease or compunction until I rid our neighborhood of unwanted elephants, sorry, I meant elements, but yes, elephants too. I mean, would you want an elephant in your backyard it you could have miniature French poodle named Frenchie instead? If you answered 'Yes', then, in conformance with the bylaws of the Drindle Prarie Homeowners Association, I am duty-bound to place an abandoned de-boxture unit at your workplace's coffee station, and just sit there like a lump of fossilized bumpher while I pay silent obeisance to the Devil Woland.
I don't know about yours, but in this State, if a person, secure in their knowledge of ontological primitives, were to so much as consider placing a planckture of bifurcated cheeves in a trove of desiccated tasklets, then that individual would be rendered unmovable, with color strips affixed to their nether side, like one too many old boys' broomstick excisions. And that's not a promise, it's a forgone duality thread. It should also be noted that we've come to fully trust your extended family, with the exception of your parents, siblings, children, grand children, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews and in-laws. Your spouse is kind of a wreck as well. But hey, nobody's perfect, right?
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