This isn't something which is easy to write, however, write it I must, and write it I will. It's been a
long time, and I'm still not sure I understand it. Some days it comes and goes, other days it may do neither. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think that I'm unlikely to no longer feel that it'll be impossible to fail to not do this anymore. You know how it is. Or maybe you don't. But you should. Now more than ever. Because, friends, as other more astute observers than myself have pointed out, it's a new world, in that various things are different than at some other time. I'm picturing kind of an 'up with people' type of idea. Lots of enthusiastic young people in khaki dockers and maroon sweaters behaving appropriately like all get out. You may think this would be the very last place you'd read something like this, but if you did you'd be wrong in a big way, not that anyone's keeping score, mind you. All of us here at Headquarters urge you to chew your food thoroughly before swallowing. Is that too much to ask?
Safety must be maintained at all costs. Please boil all drinking water for at least two seconds. Steer clear of all uncertain situations. When we meet, put yourself in my position and pretend to smile. Allow all muscular tension to drain from your face in the same nonchalant way that you would flush a toilet. Throughout the day, turn the person next to you and say something nice about their hair. If they have no hair, say something else instead. However, you must always speak in a clipped, 'sing-songy' manner, or your true intentions might reveal themselves. Drink deep from the well of life, for today may be your last.
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(Addendum: After this, the blanket won't seem so small. )
Chifferdale penda mon. Penda mon? A lapally smiglershot pin ampy kase. Nolen? Pus gnole wuffcot. Ablesore umb sezer's sha kadoe, kapoe nis kapolionioni. Sap sneeful sa goniff wib and fain de turimpo sed currump sha kofa tig nureeng. Ched clurmont sug tu og lanour del tahnofeece aglolem pud boenug. Galleforince prencher torun toos, toos---BA TOOS!
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