This Might Seem Like a 'Cry for Help' Of Sorts, But Please, Don't Kid Yourself, Okay?

The assemblage point for the next meeting of our Slender Persons' Colloquy seems like a risky location in light of recent talking points bandied about before being thrown within a manifold of terrified box-lovers. It was a run-down—even rickety—soda fountain operated at a loss by one of the more perverse chapters of the Sisters of Mercy it's been my duty to investigate, prosecute and destroy. Why would a person at the height of his career, like my cousin Dumont Pletzner, hold himself to a higher standard than one in seven apparently craven goat herders that are observed on hillsides the Nation over, beguiling indigent pipecleaner salespersons with promises of sugary stapler-shaped, nutrition-free, day-old baked goods?

As I told the Lieutenant just prior to sodomizing him, if one in four convicted felons could be forced at gunpoint to obfuscate their tendency to re-offend, then we might just have something there! Endowed as the least among us seems to be with convex toroidal energy matrices, it could possibly constitute a turning point of sorts, as some have averred in sworn statements issued in conjunction with the annual Janitorial Mating Spree. If there's one more peep out of the domesticated nincompoop who lords it over modestly talented vocalists in the Rahway, New Jersey Trail Partners Brigade, then I'll refuse to cede my spot in a burgeoning scene of hairsplitting abominations in this version of existence.

My own morning ritual consists (in part) in a toast throwing melée with my adopted son Ike Jr. He's a kid known throughout the carpet cleaning community for his preternaturally viscous nocturnal emissions and his advanced expertise in lead-lined solinoid repair. Just a 'chip off the old block' I guess! Why has this become common knowledge in just the last three weeks or so? Is it because of the rumors making the rounds in the court of public opinion? If I were to find that a particular type of substance is germane to the peculiar case of President George Trump, would this aid me in finally gaining access to files in the Jeanette Parker investigation? From now on we will hold ourselves to a standard of boldness not long seen in the well deserved infamy to which we've become (sadly) accustomed. This has got to stop. Please help me find my daughter. She's allergic to string. Thanks. 

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