Guidelines for New Members.

 

When it comes to new members, what we look for first is ever softer colorings. A gentle cooing doesn't hurt either, but that's usually reserved for the ones who enter into a confidential agreement. Either way, it'll be spelled out for the benefit of the most likeable suspects. By their trace grammar you can tell if during Summer months they are apt to seek redress from our aspirational mascot. This mascot no longer wears a costume, preferring to communicate his one-time status through Federally-mandated side-chalk work-arounds and other such impegumenta. The last one, as far as we can tell, has taken up residence way over our heads. This is a place where once in a while a lookout spots something. No one can be sure anymore what day we actually arrived. However, we ARE fairly certain that the shoes we wore coming in are no longer registering in our engagement roster. 

It was with a heavy heart that I was forced to return the gilded tea service which was a gift from Her Excellency the Honorable Chairwoman. We had been depositing indications throughout the Camp but her Assistant approached me as I rounded the curb to the final getaway and made like he didn't know of our 'special arrangement'. I took him into my confidence and shared a brutal exchange which I overheard just as the showers were letting out. He misunderstood and accused me of stealing a recipe from his library. I countered with a threat of random explosions. Anyone who might have been near could not have been in any doubt that this was all 'in good fun'. After I wiped the smile right off his face, I hurried away into the underground storage facility which, so far, no one had ever thought to prettify. Yes, you are correct: an artificial breathing apparatus is something which doesn't come cheap. Especially when names get thrown around by all manner of impotent acrobats. And that doesn't even BEGIN to span the spectrum of oddistic crybabies. For that you'll need to consult our printed works (i.e., it ain't on the fucking internet, okay?).

There's a tontic baige just to the left of where I'm currently seated. It sports a set of tragic holes on the underside. Each vent is rimmed with a spatial pattern reminiscent of the First Oakland War. Only one set of wheels will need replacing, the other having been converted over the years into a rolling clod. If you examine it very closely, you'll find not a few remnants of the Founder's sterigold invention. He made it plain before the accident that I was to hold a small bit of cloth between my teeth whenever I worked on it. I'd never had any qualms about requesting a back brace when I travelled inside to reveal a never-before-seen scar on my right thigh. Some of the younger members thought this was 'quite a hoot', to quote them directly. Others took to their rooms for the duration. I can't say I didn't have sympathy for both groups. They each reminded me, in their own way, of the time I lost a package during a snow storm. When you add in the vile comments issued posthumously by former Secretary of State Clark Clifford, you can see quite clearly why I could no longer carry water for Highland Park Police Chief Randall Jennison. What I learned is that, 'they just don't make them like THAT anymore'. Amen! 

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