Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Anatomy of a Nightmare.








It seems I've given the slip to a person who has been following me since my last summer in Cape Verde, which was over three years ago now. He (or she, I could never tell) would approach each of my victims offering free admission to a Baking Ideology Course at the local extension. I always had a different answer when they asked my opinion. Some thought I was noncommittal, others testified (in court!) that I was a profound thinker. It seems I had everyone fooled.



Anyway, so, starting about six minutes ago I noticed a brown sedan idling in a vacant lot that borders my property on the Southwest. I say this because I've had a terrible cough lately and I can't get enough sleep. I've been told to keep my back arched while driving or knitting. I'm getting just a little bit tired of trying to please all of my various health care providers by following their deeply ambivalent advice, but, since I'm in it for the long haul I'll play along. It's always served me well, but who's counting?



So about noon yesterday I received an emergency phone call from my Primary Care physician outlining a plan to escort Miss Idaho (1957) on a 'dream vacation' (HA!) to the Maldives in the Indian Ocean. My short-wave radio has been on the blink so I'm hesitating to go through with it. He (the physician) is offering a one-time cash bonus of US$1,000.99 to negotiate a plea agreement for his developmentally disabled niece who has been charged with sending neo-Nazi memes to Mayor Conklin's divorced receptionist. This has got the whole town talking. And talk they do! About sports, favorite TV shows and car battery maintenance. You know, the usual.



While I can't report any out-of-the-ordinary activity yet with respect to the brown sedan, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I don't really believe in the whole keeping-your-fingers-crossed thing but I figure it can't hurt so I'll just go right ahead and do it anyway. Except for one little thing, to wit: my fingers itch like the dickens, so I hesitate. Look, if this thing 'goes south', I've got a pound of metal in my garage that should make things go the way we expect, if you catch my drift. Do I have to spell it out for you? Please don't make me do that, okay? I only met you three days ago (REMEMBER?) and you already have a bowling trip planned. It's really time to 'play it cool'. Why? Because Winter is coming and the left sleeve of my Hunter's Blouse is coming undone and (you know this!) THE WORLD IS ON FIRE!! 



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