Thursday, November 21, 2019

What's Up With the 'Minions of Vul'?












It's a vestigial tandemonium when you insist on grabbing my Swiss-gardener style prosthetic penis with your oil-flecked 'bad' hand at dusk in the virtual Lower 48. A secret stain, much to the consternation of the vile singing duo who walk with an obviously fake limp, in a now-you-see-it-now-you-don't type of whimsy, is all we can manage before a defoliated forensic prank limits a prisoner of conscience to a fair-trade puncture of gullible trophy wives in a five-time offeration of Die Zeit.



The plan we've talked about with our respective spouses is a good start, or so I've been told. But my name keeps coming up in a list of same-day collusive iccubents when our paths cross and only one of us is bleating, usually the fatter one. Now I've given your tablet a soothing ride and propelled a soiled napkin to second place in everyone's first mover's list in a baldly transparent offering of woolen recording technologies. But the grain you've railed against, like a breast cancer survivor's momento, is only a branding opportunity if the local Jesus Festival is postponed for yet another decade.



It's decision time and we're afraid you either won't (or can't!) make the necessary preparations to avoid yet another wasted trail of effluents at your doorstep. It would be a pity, in all but the strictest interpretations of the word 'word', if the satisfaction you pretend to feel in my obfuscated presence were to become just one more aborted prelude to a lake drainage scheme retailed like so much crabbage to a solitary faction of drone-praising elderly Minions of Vul.


Why should I continue to green the latest orper and tag a Southern Bastion with artificially sweetened flame retardant while the map you insisted I install is a known forgery that even my indicted accountant would strain to swallow? Somehow it's always like this.The short end of a misplaced piece of string seems a fitting summary of something we should agree to never discuss. You have my word. NOW SAY IT! 






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