Family Issues.

 

It's quite plain that my wife has given up the one opportunity that could have shelved some of the skeletons which she so boldly hides from the prying eyes of yours truly. I've had my issues going forward, but, if my back is neither against a wall nor up a tree, what is it exactly that you would have me do? I know by the sounds she makes as we approach a distant hardware emporium that it's all she can do to remain upright while I engage the manager in some harmless repartee. It's gotten to the point where, if a person shares an extra portion of spongecake with a disgraced surgeon, she acts like someone scorned in the interest of quieter streets during Holiday marching periods. Anyone in my position would be the first one to hijack an airliner full of school children and insist that they form a bond with a token majority-minority inquest survivor. But no, you'll find none of that here.

What is it about people who scope out our non-obvious pitfalls which makes them appear too small by half? It's come to my attention that some kind of material is flaking directly within sight of an over indulged eager-beaver. This is the type of person who once took me to the cleaners just to show me the surprising effect of day-old foam on worn-out material. I know that this will give a boost to some of the 'shadow boys', but still I insist on seeking recommendations about where to send our son for hairdressing lessons. He's a great athlete with a heart of gold and has a knack for treating back pain in returning veterans. The fact is, though, he still doesn't seem interested in water purification problem areas. When I get my hands on the person who set him up to take the fall, I plan on 'going to ground', biding my time, and then leaping out at the last second before anyone has a chance to befall me with a test of my basic tolerance.

Only one motive makes any sense when you try to put the pieces together. Even though the sides match, the tops and bottoms couldn't be more different if they tried. And yes, once in a while they do, in fact, try that very operation. I usually stand near a cottonate border, wire-gun in hand, ready to press some latches in case any of the kids try to come up for air. The astronomical fees only compound our enjoyment when a semi-clad bigamist takes the stage and orders everyone to flee the premises immediately. By the time my lotion has worn off completely, most seem to agree that I seem like a different person than the one who got up this morning, made coffee, scanned the paper, did some chores, got married, read the Bible, blew a load, took origami lessons, injured his hand in a baking accident, called up Paul Strauss CPA for tax advice, began a Homeland Security investigation, had lunch at the Club, took a nap, participated in a botched car-jacking and then watched the game until dinner was ready.

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