The Devastating News About My Sister.

 

My sister, Wimarba Loomis, has had a heck of a time reaching across an ever widening gulf of taste, ideology and even morning routines, all in an effort to beat back an avalanche of uncouth mountebanks who descend on her place of residence days, nights, weekends, you name it. And, while you're at it, does it strike you as passing strange that no one ever took the time to look into a trade dispute just now heating up in the Andapalpin Seacoast combombulatories? Because anyone who knows a thing or two about likes and dislikes among the recently re-insured will have no problem speaking up when all those around them have decided to 'spice things up' and proceed to a gavel match to shame the other psychophants in their midst. I myself am painfully aware of a nasty tug-of-war between two groups of shell-shocked identitarians who seem to like nothing more than to shift blame onto an innocent, if precocious, six year-old ragamuffin who splits his time between the Chicago suburbs and the Greater Fort Worth area. As recently as five seconds ago, I received a chipped party-mug in the mail as part of a stunningly deceitful 'getting-to-know-you' effort on the part of the Ike Strassman for Mayor '96 campaign and its assorted hangers on.

Excuse me, but, am I the first to notice a definite chilling of the atmosphere when it comes to like-minded people meeting in secret to engineer the reputational destruction of owner-operators the world over? Because, if so, I can only hope that one day very soon your time will come and the taste of cold steel tooth deferment is one with which you become remotely familiar, if that. As the Lesbian crooner Barbara Lundin once told me in a hushed aside at the laying of a nougat-colored foundation stone at a now obsolete convention center, we are the very ones that the young-at-heart have come, through no fault of their own, to trust with the evacuation of their extended families in the event of a county-wide occurrence. And, to tell you the truth, I wouldn't wish that on my most flagrant violator, all things being equal. But plainly, on this side of the tracks, you can be forgiven for not attending a hidebound strategy session but apparently, not for walking through a public building for the most pitiful of reasons. Try that one on for size, why don't you. I'm waiting. Well?

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