One time on a day very much like today, in a town surprisingly like this one, topologically at least, a person some say resembles me in our mutual enigmatic health statuses, decided to maintain a tolerable distance from the likely antagonist who stole both our bicycles at age six and a half . My yellow hair was just coming in and his brother lost his left ring finger in the Vietnam War. Both my parents and his were observed by Pennsylvania Law Enforcement to be driving erratically. I never knew any of this until the last four and a half seconds. The reason I had a bowel movement yesterday at three PM is because it just felt right, is all.
I know this all sounds crazy, but hear me out, okay? While my modesty is under question, and my height is in some dispute, the plain, uncontested (and uncontestable!) fact is that the sister who I always believed to be my best friend and confidante, was witnessed defacing the Burrstown War Memorial while dressed as a prominent murdered doily salesman. Something's gotten into her lately, and I don't mean that literally, as in 'a foreign object has entered her body uninvited'. No, I mean the ideas she's always spouting, the rules she's flouting and the frankly bizarre proclivities she's been flaunting for all to see like just so many data points that can only lead to the inescapable conclusion that something is terribly wrong.
When it comes to interesting hobbies, the name that always comes up for me is Jarvelle Hentrison. Why? Well, it's because a name like that when uttered in a frankly annoying sing-songy fashion requires the speaker to align their hips and jaws in a way that resembles the folk-dancing fad that swept our local area just after the Kennedy assassination. I knew Lee Harvey Oswald. He was a friend of mine. We collected samples together. He used to give my Dad a ride to the airport. I'll always remember the time he accidentally ripped his shirt while playing Oxball. Some of us laughed. Others became constipated. My own fear was compounded until my eyebrows flaked . But did Lee ever try to assassinate anyone? Not hardly! Case closed.
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